Write, delete. Write, delete. That's what I've been doing. I couldn't get anything into words.
It all seems so wrong but alas, I have done it now. I'll just keep on writing till I intend to stop. For the past few weeks, I've been struggling. A self battle has taken place.
"I AM UGLY. I WAS NEVER BEAUTIFUL. I, AM, UGLY. "
Look at me, I'm too skinny. Too weird to be called beautiful. And yet these girls/boys who have perfect sized bodies go on whining that they are fat. What is it with you girls/boys that think you're fat? You want a definition of fat? Go to a burger outlet and see a bunch of fat people lining up. Bulging stomach and inflated thighs like over sized chicken drumsticks, and their clothes seem to look like they are suffering from stretching disease because of the number of fat that the clothes have to bare. Now, that is fat. Me? I've nothing against fat people. But It just really bothers me why you girls and boys think you are too fat. Look at me. Look at me very well. I am skinny to the fact that there had been a number of people asking me whether I have anorexia or am I bulimic.
Seriously?
I sometimes thank God that I have such a blessed body to begin with, but as time passes by and I see the people around me, I feel ashamed. I tend to shy away when it comes to body related questions. I am not beautiful. Whenever I see pretty girls, I keep wishing that I have their bodies. Those perfect boobs, perfect arms, perfect thighs, perfect everything. I wish I can have them. I am an ugly butterfly to begin with. I tend to shut everything off. I wouldn't talk much. Sometimes I wish I can just disappear into thin air. "I stare at myself in the mirror, looking at my imperfections and feeling totally shitty about it. Why do I bare these things?"
What is beauty? What is beautiful?
I don not intend to change any part of my body. I do not wish to go through the knife just to be called beautiful. But I want to feel beautiful. What is so beautiful about me? I am such a wreck. A mess. And yet, you close friends of mine still tend to stick with me. I guess, what's beautiful, is my soul. The soul.
But the soul itself is not enough for me. For I, am attracted to all things beautiful.
4 Monsters backstash:
you don't need to have physical beauty to feel beautiful... the things you do and think already make you beautiful.
not to mention, i would have a lesbian relationship with you if i was still as bisexual as i was few years back. HAHAHA
and ouch, mia, that thing about people complaining about being fat is like a stab to me... lol.
awwww. Thanks babe. I knew that fact, but sometimes its just eating me and I feel like those stuff aren't enough. ahaaa. talk about self battle man, geez' ohoooooooo. WHOAHHH. hahaha. that seriously got me off guard. :) Hey, i'd date you as well. ahahah. our bf's better brace themselves. :D haha.
EHEHE.. Sorry babe. But I have to remind you la, YOU'RE NOT FAT. You're perfect. I would have said you were, if you were really fat. Honesty man, honesty. hehe. Sorry It stabbed you man. haha. that wasn't the intention. MWAH! xxxx
hey! i know, all librans love beautiful things, aite? (btw, I got to ur profile via obefiend's n found ur profile)
anyway, back to ur post...oh mia..how i wish i've got skinny body, juz like when i was in hi-skool...me now, i hv a plump body...but my main prob is, I buncit! sooooooo....dat explains y..tee hee~
-a fellow libran girl
:) hehe. right. we do love beautiful things. but it varies on what we consider to be beautiful. ohh.. i see. great then. looks like obe's site is a site for other bloggers to look out at each other's blogs yeah?
you wish to have my body? Seriously, you wouldnt want to be asked if you're having problems with your eating habbits. or even asked if you've got anorexia or if you eat right. It;s really suffocating and a total killer when it comes to feeling good about yourself. I guess, no one really wants to admit that they have a problem on accepting themselves whole. in our case, our outer side.
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