Nicotine Effect #4: Cheat.

It was almost 3 in the morning when mom popped in her head and gradually let the door open itself to take look at what I'm doing. Her brows creased and I know she'd about to give me that same boring lecture about sleeping early. Moms, what would we do without you yeah? She got to the point where she said;-

"You're cheating yourself!"

And she marched off to resume her sleep, leaving my door wide open.

To put in reflection what my mom said to me, I think I have cheated myself a few times. Depending on such situations, that is. Last week, I managed to restrain myself from smoking. But it only lasted a week. And to me, that's a pretty huge credit because I was a walking chimney myself. I hold on to this saying that "no effort goes no waste unless you reward yourself with some little thing", and to that, I did bought myself a stick of Dunhill. Just as a reward. But the minute I lit that cig on fire while I was on the way to the bus station, i thought "what's the point of smoking this if I've vowed myself to not smoke? Ah! to hell with it, it's your reward Mia. Take it. Smoke it. You do need it." and so I lit the cigarette and before you know it, I was smoking again. That wans't really a cheat, to me, it's more of a reward to myself for resisting to smoke (apart from the fact that I have to stop smoking cuz I ain't got much cash to buy a packet of cig anymore, which was another reason why I had to give it up). Besides, what can a single stick of Dunhill do to me anyways? I'm not gonna cheat, not to myself. Or so I thought.

The next day while I was on the way home from my sis's place, I started to wonder off again. Thinking how great it would be to have a smoke. Ahh, the temptation! I distracted myself, by looking out of the window of the crooked damp train I was on. And by the time I got to my destination, I started for this "mamak" restaurant. "I bet they sell single ciggies."  Before i realized it, I already bought two. What the fuck? This ain't good. Not good at all. Ahhh, God Damn! By the time I got home, I already smoked 1 cig, and I've only 1 more left. The very next day, I was back at my old position at the dry kitchen porch of my house, smoking the last cig in my hand, with the fan right on front of me to blow the smoke away, my head starting to feel high.
I did cheat. I cheated myself. Twice.

Oh cigarettes, why are you so tempting?
My friend, I beg you not to tempt me, please. I know I'm betraying you, but please give me a break.