Ends.

This has been my first blog entry, since a year had passed.
Dare i tell you. A LOT HAS CHANGED.
There were cuts and bruises and useless waiting's.
Everything ends in an abrupt matter.

I work now. Have you heard?
I'm nineteen now. Did you know?
I'm still not in college. Have you noticed?
It's been a year since my last relationship. Do you even care?
I lost half of myself. How about that?

Damn it. Damn everything.

I sat on the train, thinking about what had been told. What I have learned.
I wish I could show you my feelings. Present it in front of your face so that you may actually understand what I feel.
Make you go inside my head like those fictional books are capable of doing.

I'm aching. Badly abused.
Do you give a damn?

It has been one hell of a year.
One hell of a lifetime.
And again, do you notice my changes?
Sure the hair may be shorter. I may seem like a fucking lesbian, but do you notice those little details that you left out?

I envy those who are in love.
Those who are happy with their significant other.
I want to be happy too. Where are you?
I'm in need of that subtle touch.
Those fingers that would fit the empty spaces of my fingers.
I need your arms. Your indulgence.
That look that would make me feel weightless and float into the air.

I need not archers. I need not pain.
All I want is passion, love and loyalty.

But then, It's always a fight when it comes to these things.
Does it really have to be me? Am I the one who should fight for this?
Maybe this is my fight. Maybe I should.
I believe in things that I could not explain. Maybe to you, it's pish posh crap.
But to me, it's something.

I spend time with friends a lot.
That's because I have nowhere else to run to.
Nowhere else to turn to for those warm hugs and loves.
I know my family is by my side. But what about the others?
What about what I want.

Thanks a lot for making me feel useless.
Thanks a lot for making me feel unhelpful.
Thanks a lot for making me feel horrible.
Thanks for the beats, slaps and push arounds.
thanks for all the blames.


Yeah, I know.
My smiles, my laughs, my caress, my comforts make me seem like a happy triumphant person.
But did you know, I'm eating myself.

So I do need to fight.
I do need to stand. I do need to confront.

Give faith in me.