Next Stop: Hell, 1st Class Seat

Being honest is a tough job.
You cant see who you're affecting..
You don't know how they would feel about the whole truth.
It's both euphoric and distressing once you hear what honesty has got to say.

Like that day, I wish shouldn't have known about their feelings.
But what would it be like if I hadn't?
Would I be the same? Would they remain the same?
or create distance for some what reason I do not know of.
One things, for sure. Dare not I know or do not know of it.
It changes nothing.
Stagnant. Like physics.

*********************************************************************

Smoke. Cigarette. Caffeine and Food.
It relates a lot.
I still remember my first puff of smoke.
I didn't cough, nor did I choke of it.
Maybe it was genetic. From my dad.
Was I bound to suck on menthol cigs too? Just like my dad.
He used to be a chain smoker. And now?
Wow. He's an EX-Smoker. Basically DESPISES cigarette smoke.
I admire that determination.

Caffeine. It's very addicting.
It's like cannabis tea, hypes your energy and makes you really unpredictable.
Used to be an anti-caffeine freak, but nowadays.
I make my own coffee.
See how change in a blink of an eye.

Food? It has become my supplement, when I'm on strike about smoking.
Thanks to him, I'm fighting with myself to stop that bad habit.
Smoke. Cigarette. and what next? Cancer?

I've seen people being devoured by Cancer.
A painful scene, to be exact.
Your loved ones being torn into pieces by those condemning cancer cells who can't control themselves.
I saw her Mom on the bed that Thursday (11th Mar 2010).
And it was heartbreaking to see.

Her face, unrecognizable.
Gone from plump to thin.
Her lips dark as if it was shadowed with grief and discontent.
Her eyes were closed, puffy.
Hair all wiped away, as a result by chemo.
There were tubes coming out of her mouth. Branching out like tree trunks.
She wasn't breathing on her own. There was a tube that connected straight to her throat.
Just to keep her alive.

I held her arms, and they were freezing cold.
My beloved friend whose tears came marching out.
As if she just saw Titanic for the first time.

Heartbreaking.
I wouldn't want anyone to see me like that.
Dying on the bed, waiting for Reaper to chip in.
The hell.


But then, I've already booked myself to Hell.
What's not to enjoy?