She ate her soul

I've been in a dark place before. Where I used to be so much of an ice queen, numb for everything that has to do with him. & I am afraid, if I might do it again. Because I've done it before, I am capable of it. I scare myself, with my actions. Even if I asked you to look into my eyes, into my soul, just to fix myself.. I wouldn't be sure if I can look back once I have walked away. I am, scared of myself.

"I miss those times where I close my eyes & all I can hear is the bliss sound of the ocean. 

Where there was nothing to worry about but the waves hitting my feet me too vigorously. 

I cant bare this unbalanced thing inside of me. 

I refuse to talk about it because I want it to remain hidden & away from people's sight. 

Away from pain."

"But sometimes you have to let it out. Even a tiny little bit, if not, it'll eat you up."

"I rather it eats me up. 

Eat me up. Eat me whole. 

I rather lose myself than lose what makes me complete. 

I want to leave, but I can't. 

I envy people. I envy you. I want to be you. 

So that there wouldn't be any more trouble about this whole matter."

"Why me? I am nothing to be envied on."

"I want to be loved by the mom, by the dad for who I am but I don't think that's possible. I want to be fought for, but the person in joust of me is no where strong. So where do I stand now? I refuse to leave, I insist to stay, I only... attract nothing, but trouble. 

Traditional, strictly, they are traditional religious beings. 

& I? I am nothing but an outcast to their eyes. 

Grabbing hold of their beloved into the unknown & sprinkling him with the devil's thought of freedom. 

I am angry, devastated, dead..almost. 

But still, I try to thrive on my own pool of mud. 

The pool that I dug a few months back."

"He loves you right? Love means to accept the whole you flaws & all. If you really love him, do the best you can so that they see the good side of you. Even if you're from a different religion."

"If he does....", cries. 

"All I want is to be with the man I love for the rest of my life & i refuse to leave. 

Oh God, it hurts so much."

"I can only imagine your pain. Be strong, Mia."

"& I chose to be alone. for this moment.. 

Far from his words that cut me deeper. 

To the world where I know, music would nurse my soul back to health. 

"Do all you can heal from your pain. Listen to music." 

Like I said to you, my love, 

It's you & me against the world. I'll fight for you, and you'll fight for me. 

Nothing can change that.