Envy

Yes. I envy you. I admit that.
You. You are lucky, I am not.
You, are in privilege & I am not.
You can ask for help, when you're in need, & I COULD NOT.
I envy you because the rightful family might say yes to you, and they may not with me.
Envy because you're soul seems complete with the teachings of your own Religion.
Because you believe that your prayers will somehow be answered by God, sooner or later.
For you seem so pure & innocent, where I am not.


YES, I ENVY YOU.


[*Sigh. Reaching for the cigarette. Lighting it up on fire.
And looks out the window.]


But you may also envy me.
By which I could not judge. Because I am not you.
And should I let this little human feelings of mine take over me?
Continue to envy you, who aren't perfect, not an angel. Nothing, but mere Human?
Irrational! An irrational act of mind.


I should be proud of what I am. What I have. Who I am.
Because I am nothing like you, Because I am unique.
I believe I am. So,I need not your vulgar mouth to speak of what I am not.
For I have exquisite experience far more deeper, than yours.
Yes, maybe you are mature, and pure judging by your outlook.
But deep inside, what do I know of you?


You're nothing but a stranger to me.
So live on, live on.
And never look back.
Life's full of envy, but do fight back that lust.