Anchored Down

It's at times like these where I anchor myself down to reality and see the impossibilities. 

To plunge into emotions I try to fend off from my mind, but alas,

they tend to find a crack in the wall & seep back in. With the mission to intoxicate me.

Leaving me feeling unpure, undeserving, ugly, unwanted, inadequate, imperfect to the core and unfitting in all things good. 

I am an outcast. An outcast to my casuistry self.

I tell myself this part of hardship in my life would be over, but it never really is. 

It weighs me down deeper into the deep dark corner of the ocean. 

When I've finally gathered enough courage to swim out of the ocean, it sucks me back in like a black hole.

But ironically its at times like these that I stay grounded on reality, tied down to reality. 

Trying as hard as I can to not let myself afloat too high. 

It would be like having a sugar rush, but in the end, it is never enough. I would always crave more. 

And this simply makes one purely human. Imperfect at all angles. 

It doesn't differentiate me from those other lying hypocrites. 

The other person in the mirror that mimics every inch of my face muscle's hard work, could it have the same undying sin as I do? The lust, the greed, the envy's. Could it be the same? 

No one is that nice, nor as evil as they think they are. 

We take on life's drugs, adrenaline, steroids in order to fulfill our wounded ego's. To feed it. Nurse it.

Wouldn't that destroy one's pure soul, all this? 

Regardless, despite all this evil infested personalities we inherited, theres always a silver lining to it. 

Good is the final outcome of everything.