Q’s & A’s

Why wouldn’t you listen to the things they say?

What’s wrong with you? Can’t you see what people think of you?

Do you think they like how you are?

-No. its not that I don’t want to listen to what they are saying to me.

I do try to change myself . Try to not be too careless. To be responsible, which you may be quite surprised because I do have that little thing called “responsible & responsibility” in me. Still, at the same time, I’m living my life to the fullest. God knows when I’ll get hit by a car and die of tumor or cancer or whatever. I don’t want to be labeled as a bad influence to those kids who I am very close too. I do not even wish to be their influence. Influence in a good way, yes, I’d be happy to do so. but I do not put sick thoughts into your children’s nude head. No. I’m no psychopath.

And no, I am not destroying myself. it may seem so because of my output and how I look like, but I am not. I still have respect for myself and  I hope you  can see that. It isn’t wrong to have something you love on you, now is it? To admire piercings & highlights & tattoo’s and have them on you. It’s art. and I loved art from the minute I learned how to breathe.

Yes, im young, im nineteen. But I do know what I am doing. Yes I go out randomly with my close friends. But I make sure I am out with the right person. A more worth it friend that I can fucking trust. I don’t fucking just meet up with people that I barely fucking know and go hang out somewhere. NO. I chose my friends well. I don’t fuck around with people I fucking don’t know. You think im like you? Well, fuck off.

Fuck everything they say. All this while I’ve been doing nothing but to please everyone around me. To do errands for them. To make stuff for them. “take this, take that.” I’ve grown tired. I take care of how they feel, but who’s taking care of how I feel. So, I grew closer to a friend of mine, named selfish. Where I put my needs first than everyone else’s.

But yeah. I do feel the deep throat guilt, when I am too close to selfish. I feel like I would just want to disappear. To be forgotten because it seemed like everyone would be so much better off not knowing me.

I know you’re older than me, but what I can see and experience right now isn’t at all wrong. Nor it is right.

I’m just being me.

And someday you will look at yourself, trying to figure out what is it that you have left out in life. When you’re all full of your own family. Then only you will see, it’s not wrong to be reckless & careless & carefree & free spirited at a young age. It’s what makes life so much better when everything around you is all torn and cut into pieces.

The only drug & adrenaline you get, for coping with the world.

 

Why do you want in life? What do you really want?

To be happy, content.

I dont know.